First it was the LGB community. Then it was the LGBT. Then the LGBTQ. I think a few more letters have been added on at times, and I've also seen variations like GBST and GBSTA. As a person with a nontraditional sexuality it's getting damned hard to keep track! How many acronyms do we need to say, "Hey, I'll help support you. Hey, I'm proud!" ?

Now, you might ask why I'm bringing this up and rambling (aside from the fact I -usually- ramble). It's come to my attention, more so in the past year, that as a species we really can't resist labels. Labels file things away nicely and neatly! Labels keep our society a neat and orderly place.

But really, at least in my humble opinion, it's getting kind of ridiculous. How many different branches and sub-branches of sexuality do we need to slap a label on to say "I'm queer"? 

Don't get me wrong, I understand that finding a definition for something you feel you are can be very important to a person. It helps you reaffirm your identity, and find others like you. But, again there just comes a point that it's getting silly to me.

For example. I was having a conversation with another artist some months back when I first heard the term "pansexual". When I asked her what she meant by it, she said, "Well I find all people attractive, I don't hold to gender binaries. It's kind of like being bisexual, but less restrictive." At this I was kind of taken aback.

Bisexuality...restrictive?

This wasn't the only person I ran into that thought this either. It truly confounded me. I've never felt myself restricted in my life. Others have said, "Well being pansexual opens you up to people of other sexualities too." Quite frankly, I find men and women attractive even when they aren't in traditional roles. I don't care what they think they are or are not. If a person reaches me on a deep level, they just...do.

I'm not trying to single out the pansexual community or to belittle anyone's identity here. For me, it's just become a matter of not needing more labels to try and grasp at what each of us are. People differ and labels should be worn loosely.

For a long time, I fought with labeling myself even. I thought...surely I'm more complex than a little word? But in the end, at least in my personal journey. It was easier to just accept the label simplest for the greater populace to comprehend.

And as I've grown I've not felt limited by it. I've not felt misrepresented.

For me, being bisexual is about the complexity of my nature.The fact I am not just a simple singular creature. I'm attracted more to a personality than to an appearance, I always have been. And so I can appreciate the souls of those personalities regardless of what body they happen to be wrapped inside of.


Moving on from those thoughts...

On a whim recently, some of you know I decided to dress in drag. I don't secretly want to be a man or feel that I'm in the wrong body. I feel rather comfortable in my imperfect skin honestly, but to me it was just...interesting  Because my personality does have some masculine thoughts and traits that some women don't. I wanted to see the face of the fellow hiding in my psyche.

The effect was created through makeup. Lots of shading and shadowing with different shades of powder and foundation, an eyeliner pencil, and parting and straightening my hair to look less femme and cover my shaded cheeks a bit more to achieve a more angular look. The rest is thanks to position, lighting, and so forth. The only computer affects are some color tweaking, skin texturing, some minor thinning where I had shaded for more realism on the cheeks, and then the artistic overlays I worked to achieve. Both of these faces...are mine.

When I saw this man looking back from the mirror, I named him Jesus (pronounced: Hay-zeus). I've been told by multiple people I do in fact look like Jesus...or Silent Bob.

It was an almost surreal moment. Here I was looking at a stranger, that was part of me. My husband tells me I look better as a woman, and I can't exactly argue. But it still pleased me to meet that little corner of  my mind.

The quote I chose for this of course, being from the Beatles, as "I Am the Walrus" kept going over and over in my head.

I am he, as you are he, as you are me, and we are all together...

We are all such beautiful rainbows, composed of so many little broken shards. Sometimes I think, though it's important to know what makes you...you. It's also important to realize how much you have in common with your fellow human beings. That we all are indeed together and have far more in common emotionally than we allow ourselves to realize. If the whole world remembered it...I'm sure that hate and discrimination would be more rare.