Recently I read an article, amazingly enough written by a man, that talked about how men need to stop using "crazy" as a blanket term to describe women just because they don't understand them or their potential for a higher level of emotions. I feel, rather strongly about that.  I cannot count the number of times that due to a lack of understanding or an inability to know how to deal with something emotional I'm going through, my husband has looked at me and said either, "You're crazy" or inferred something about a mental breakdown.

That being said. I know I'm not in the 100% sane bracket. Is it offensive to have one's emotions misunderstood and told that because of them you're nuts? Well, yes. But if I'm going to expect others to understand me, being in denial isn't going to help myself or others.

I firmly believe that there isn't an artist out there that isn't, at the least, a little "kooky". We're an odd bunch. It takes a certain kind of mind to see the world through creative eyes. A mind that isn't "normal" by the standards of society. Why does that have to be a negative thing?

So, here I am saying that I know I'm a little bit crazy. Hell, at times more than a little. I'm just finally getting to the point that I can accept it and analyze it more as an adult. I know that there will be times my emotions are so raw and overpowering that I will lose myself and my logic completely. It's terrifying...Yet, I wouldn't trade it for anything, because those emotions are pure...and they are mine.

My unique brain has lead me to some wonderful things in life and it makes me who I am, even when it's not what I might wish it to be. A poet, an author...a whimsical dreamer...a morbid semi-goth at times. But by embracing it, and understanding myself, I can start to dispel this idea that being a touch "crazy" is wrong.

I understand that there are conditions involving the human mind that need medical attention. Please don't get me wrong. Sometimes it's the better option for personal and collective well being. And there is nothing wrong with that. But, not everyone needs to be put on a pill just because their mind works differently.

Not every person who happens to be a bit morbid, is depressed enough to be medicated. Not every active child needs to be put on medication to sedate them because their parents don't know how to control them. Not every woman who thinks she needs to drop a few pounds, should invest in miracle diet pill "solutions". We live in a day and age where people want a quick fix, an easy answer. Pop a pill and society will accept you!

Accept yourself first. Know yourself. And know that being different is alright. 

Time for another flash of bare honesty. Last night I was distraught to the point my emotions were getting the better of me. I won't lie...since I was a teen sometimes I get so emotional that even suicide plays across my mind. Would I do it? No I would not. I think it's selfish and besides, I'm a wimp. So...to shake myself out of it I look up the many ways possible that people have offed themselves and read how painful each of them are and how long it takes to die with each method. This reminds me that there is NO easy out.

When I shared this little method of reality check with my husband, he was down right frightened. Told me I showed signs of being emotionally disturbed. Not to mention just how morbid, eerie and very much not normal it was.  All I can do is shrug and reassure him again that it isn't something I would do. I've known people that killed themselves....I realize the level of despair they must have been at. But I still believe it's harder on those left behind. It's painful and selfish, and I know I'm stronger than that. Sometimes I just need a reminder.

We all have our peculiarities and our inner demons. But I'm reminded of a darling picture I saw recently...

 Learn to live with yourself too, without shame. I imagine my fears, my "crazy" and my abnormalities really aren't that terrible of room mates up in my brain box. They just like to disagree on the interior design, and occasionally get in shouting matches over who they've invited over and how loud the music is. But by the end of the day, they're up there finger-painting and sharing cookies.



Again: this blog is in no way written to infer that no one out there needs medical help or does not have more severe problems that could be aided.